2016: The Year of Openness

My Word for the Year in 2016 is "openness".

Openness is defined as: being receptive to new ideas, behaviors, cultures, peoples, environments, experiences, etc that are different from the familiar, conventional, traditional or one's own.

That was and still is my intention for this year. I decided to start this year by being open to whatever life has to offer. To let down the walls I had built around my heart. To try new things. To get out and meet new people. To hear and obey the voice of God. To break out of my comfort zone and do things that are a little scary or uncomfortable. Whatever the situation may be, I intended to approach it with an open mind and an open heart allowing myself the opportunity to fall when necessary in order to succeed when possible.

 

Little did I know just how much that one word was going to impact my life in such a short time. I am eternally grateful for all the blessings that I have already received so far this year. Being open has led me to some amazing discoveries and some really great new experiences as well as relationships.

This month, as part of listening to and obeying the voice of God, I joined Sisterhood, the women's ministry at my church. Not only did I join, but I completely stepped out of my comfort zone and volunteered to be a table leader. Having never really been comfortable in the spotlight and knowing that I still have a long, long way to go in my faith walk, this was totally out of character for me. However, I cannot tell you how much I have already been blessed in the last two weeks by the women in my group. There are some old friends, some friends from my previous small group and even some new friends that have joined us. Each woman is uniquely individual and brings their own strengths and stories to the table each week. We have been studying the power of prayer and learning how to not only pray but pray Fervently (a book I highly recommend by Priscilla Shirer). And, let me tell you, these women...they are absolutely amazing and I am so blessed to get to do life along side them. Already we have seen the power of God at work in our lives and we are growing stronger in our faith, in our relationships and in our friendships. It has been a powerful study.

 

Being open has also brought me another tremendous blessing in the form of a new relationship that I never expected. For the last four years, I have been living in a world of pain, shame, guilt and unforgiveness due to my divorce and the circumstances surrounding it. I allowed that to affect my life in more ways than I can count and I know that it created a rift between me and God as well as those I love. I was angry and depressed and hurt. I felt lost and unloved and afraid. At the end of 2015, at a conference in Birmingham with one of my besties, I was able to finally let all of that go. I turned it all over to God and was able to really be at peace with the past and start fresh.

I had tried dating but up until that point, I don't think I was really ready. I had built up walls and defenses to keep people out and to keep my heart safe from going through that kind of pain again. If things were going well, I sabotaged it because I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I chose the wrong people and invested in the wrong relationships. What I realized in December was that I wasn't who I needed to be in order to successfully be with someone else. I started praying then for God to make me into the person that He wanted me to be, the person that He could use to ultimately fulfill his purpose. I let go of the past and the fears and trusted God to carry those burdens making me whole again.

 

I don't know what the future holds but I do know that I refuse to take today for granted any longer. 2016 is going to be the best year yet and I can't wait to see how it ends. My heart is open, my faith is strong and my mind is clear. I know that troubles will come. I know that Satan will attack. But I also know that the ending to his story has already been written. He can't touch me for I am the daughter of the King and I can do all things though him. Bring it on world. I am ready!

Thanks for stopping by!

Katie

Sadness

The other day I posted on my Facebook page that I was feeling down and alone with the kids gone to their Dad's for the weekend. I immediately had several comments from friends far and wide either commiserating with my situation or attempting to cheer me up. I have to say that I have an awesome group of friends, and I just wanted to tell you that appreciate each and every one of you. I was honestly touched by all the responses.

I thought that maybe I would go a little more in depth on the subject and explain myself just in case someone out there may need to hear or can relate to my story. I live with depression. It isn't something that I talk about often, not even really to my family, but I struggle with it every single day. I have learned to put up a good front and plaster a smile on my face but deep down, the sadness is there. I don't give in to it every day. Sometimes I can go for a couple of weeks without letting it get to me, but it is always there. 

I have been taking medication daily for a little over a year now and it has really seemed to help. I know that it isn't always talked about and even sometimes frowned upon, but for me, I feel like if it helps, then you take it. It took me a long time to seek help, but I've learned that there is no shame in it. The stigma may be real but it definitely needs to change.  Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and medication can help to counteract that. It may not be for everyone but I like to call them "my happy pills". Lol

I have battled with depression for more years than I can count. My friends and family will probably be surprised to know that it goes all the way back to my high school years. The thing about depression is that it is a silent illness. Most people who suffer from depression get very good at hiding their feelings and suppressing them. Trust me, I've got a poker face like nobody's business. You might know when I'm mad (ok, definitely then) or when I'm unhappy, but when I'm sad...that gets buried deep until I am alone in the dark with my thoughts. 

I don't think about it all the time. In fact, for the most part, I am pretty happy these days. My life is good, I enjoy the place where I am at and I can't complain. There are things in my past that I would probably change if I could but there is no room for regret because those things are gone. There is a purpose and a plan for my life and I have faith that eventually I will get there. I may have my moments but I refuse to live in them any longer than I have too.

So, please friends, don't worry about me. I really am okay. I have a great support system through my family and my friends and my church. I know that all I have to do is reach out and someone will be there. 

If you suffer from depression, I urge you to get help. Find a counselor. Go to church. Join a support group. Call a friend. You are not alone. Someone will always be waiting to extend you a hand. You just have to be brave enough to take it. 

Thanks for stopping by. 

KT

Catching up and all that jazz...

Belle's Blue Jays 2015

Opening Day of ball was last Saturday. The kids had to go get their pictures taken but neither had a game which was kind of nice. The weather was beautiful except for right before the opening ceremonies when the skies opened up and drenched everyone. Skylar is playing for the Belles Blue Jays and Brayden is on the Dixie Minor White Sox. Both have been enjoying it so far and I love to watch them play!

Dixie Minor White Sox 2015                 

Brayden's first game was Monday night. They played well but lost 8-5. He played right field once and then left field. Struck out the first time and ground out at first the second time up to bat. (Of course, if you ask me...he was SAFE! Tie always goes to the runner! C'mon ump!) He was amazed that some of the kids took the loss so hard. He is "just out there to have fun" and honestly, I hope that he always keeps that attitude. I take it way too serious for the both of us. Yes, I AM that mom! Heehee.                                                                                             

Grandma-razzi had to get us all together for Easter pics.

Sunday was Easter and at least two of the three kids dressed up. Of course...the teen wanted to do what the teen wanted to do... You pick your battles. She did let me put her hair up in a cute little "ballerina" bun though so that was her concession. Peyton has been obsessed with the blooming azaleas, filling my house every day with fresh cut ones, so it was no surprise that she had to decorate herself...and her brother. lol 

Their Easter "Best"

The Queen Bee

Princess Peyton

My Handsome Boy

Freedom Church Band rockin it out

                                                                     

One of my favorite parts of Easter 2015 was getting to celebrate in our new PERMANENT church home! Freedom Church has been waiting so long to have a place to call its own, and it definitely did not disappoint. The Praise Team was amazing and you could feel His spirit all around. It was a blessing all who were there. Everyone did a fantastic job making it all come together. I am so grateful to be a part of this amazing church and can't wait to see how God continues to move in Berkeley County.

I took Monday off of work to spend the last day of Spring Break with the kids. And, it had NOTHING to do with the fact that my driver's license expired last month on my birthday and I didn't realize it! Nope, not that at all! I mean, who in the world can keep up with something that you only do once every ten years? Obviously not I. lol I am legal again, however...at least until 2025! 

The kids asked to go to the beach so off to Sullivan's we went. It was fun but the water was freezing. Poor Brayden was covered from head to toe in goose bumps but that didn't stop them. They played in the waves and looked for shells for about 2 hours.




On the way home we headed to our favorite fro-yo place, TCBY. It seems to have become a tradition albeit an expensive one. The kids like to load up on the toppings and that just kills the cost. On the ride home, Skylar said, "Well...if we all die right now, at least we can go out with a smile on our faces knowing that Mommy spent $16 on frozen yogurt for us today." I guess that is something. lol

All in all, it has been an awesome two weeks. While they were gone to their Dad's for the first part of Spring Break, I was able to get the house cleaned  and really rejuvenate and recharge. As much as I hate the situation, it is nice every now and again to have the break. I have found that I can't be the kind of Mom that I want to be unless I am making time for myself and practicing self-care. A happy Mom raises happy kids. 

Hope that everyone had a happy and safe Easter. Thanks for stopping by.

KT