Sadness

The other day I posted on my Facebook page that I was feeling down and alone with the kids gone to their Dad's for the weekend. I immediately had several comments from friends far and wide either commiserating with my situation or attempting to cheer me up. I have to say that I have an awesome group of friends, and I just wanted to tell you that appreciate each and every one of you. I was honestly touched by all the responses.

I thought that maybe I would go a little more in depth on the subject and explain myself just in case someone out there may need to hear or can relate to my story. I live with depression. It isn't something that I talk about often, not even really to my family, but I struggle with it every single day. I have learned to put up a good front and plaster a smile on my face but deep down, the sadness is there. I don't give in to it every day. Sometimes I can go for a couple of weeks without letting it get to me, but it is always there. 

I have been taking medication daily for a little over a year now and it has really seemed to help. I know that it isn't always talked about and even sometimes frowned upon, but for me, I feel like if it helps, then you take it. It took me a long time to seek help, but I've learned that there is no shame in it. The stigma may be real but it definitely needs to change.  Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and medication can help to counteract that. It may not be for everyone but I like to call them "my happy pills". Lol

I have battled with depression for more years than I can count. My friends and family will probably be surprised to know that it goes all the way back to my high school years. The thing about depression is that it is a silent illness. Most people who suffer from depression get very good at hiding their feelings and suppressing them. Trust me, I've got a poker face like nobody's business. You might know when I'm mad (ok, definitely then) or when I'm unhappy, but when I'm sad...that gets buried deep until I am alone in the dark with my thoughts. 

I don't think about it all the time. In fact, for the most part, I am pretty happy these days. My life is good, I enjoy the place where I am at and I can't complain. There are things in my past that I would probably change if I could but there is no room for regret because those things are gone. There is a purpose and a plan for my life and I have faith that eventually I will get there. I may have my moments but I refuse to live in them any longer than I have too.

So, please friends, don't worry about me. I really am okay. I have a great support system through my family and my friends and my church. I know that all I have to do is reach out and someone will be there. 

If you suffer from depression, I urge you to get help. Find a counselor. Go to church. Join a support group. Call a friend. You are not alone. Someone will always be waiting to extend you a hand. You just have to be brave enough to take it. 

Thanks for stopping by. 

KT

Catching up and all that jazz...

Belle's Blue Jays 2015

Opening Day of ball was last Saturday. The kids had to go get their pictures taken but neither had a game which was kind of nice. The weather was beautiful except for right before the opening ceremonies when the skies opened up and drenched everyone. Skylar is playing for the Belles Blue Jays and Brayden is on the Dixie Minor White Sox. Both have been enjoying it so far and I love to watch them play!

Dixie Minor White Sox 2015                 

Brayden's first game was Monday night. They played well but lost 8-5. He played right field once and then left field. Struck out the first time and ground out at first the second time up to bat. (Of course, if you ask me...he was SAFE! Tie always goes to the runner! C'mon ump!) He was amazed that some of the kids took the loss so hard. He is "just out there to have fun" and honestly, I hope that he always keeps that attitude. I take it way too serious for the both of us. Yes, I AM that mom! Heehee.                                                                                             

Grandma-razzi had to get us all together for Easter pics.

Sunday was Easter and at least two of the three kids dressed up. Of course...the teen wanted to do what the teen wanted to do... You pick your battles. She did let me put her hair up in a cute little "ballerina" bun though so that was her concession. Peyton has been obsessed with the blooming azaleas, filling my house every day with fresh cut ones, so it was no surprise that she had to decorate herself...and her brother. lol 

Their Easter "Best"

The Queen Bee

Princess Peyton

My Handsome Boy

Freedom Church Band rockin it out

                                                                     

One of my favorite parts of Easter 2015 was getting to celebrate in our new PERMANENT church home! Freedom Church has been waiting so long to have a place to call its own, and it definitely did not disappoint. The Praise Team was amazing and you could feel His spirit all around. It was a blessing all who were there. Everyone did a fantastic job making it all come together. I am so grateful to be a part of this amazing church and can't wait to see how God continues to move in Berkeley County.

I took Monday off of work to spend the last day of Spring Break with the kids. And, it had NOTHING to do with the fact that my driver's license expired last month on my birthday and I didn't realize it! Nope, not that at all! I mean, who in the world can keep up with something that you only do once every ten years? Obviously not I. lol I am legal again, however...at least until 2025! 

The kids asked to go to the beach so off to Sullivan's we went. It was fun but the water was freezing. Poor Brayden was covered from head to toe in goose bumps but that didn't stop them. They played in the waves and looked for shells for about 2 hours.




On the way home we headed to our favorite fro-yo place, TCBY. It seems to have become a tradition albeit an expensive one. The kids like to load up on the toppings and that just kills the cost. On the ride home, Skylar said, "Well...if we all die right now, at least we can go out with a smile on our faces knowing that Mommy spent $16 on frozen yogurt for us today." I guess that is something. lol

All in all, it has been an awesome two weeks. While they were gone to their Dad's for the first part of Spring Break, I was able to get the house cleaned  and really rejuvenate and recharge. As much as I hate the situation, it is nice every now and again to have the break. I have found that I can't be the kind of Mom that I want to be unless I am making time for myself and practicing self-care. A happy Mom raises happy kids. 

Hope that everyone had a happy and safe Easter. Thanks for stopping by.

KT

Raising a Teenager is Hard, Y'all

I know, I know. Two blog posts in one day...it's almost unheard of. While I do want to blog about my life and day to day stuff, I also want to create posts that address different topics regularly. I plan to be as open and honest as possible, sometimes maybe brutally so. I hope that by sharing my story and hopefully some good insights, I can inspire or lift up just one person like some of the bloggers that I read have done for me.

I was having a hard time trying to decide which topic to tackle first, but this one just sort of fell into my lap today so thought I would start here. Teenagers are rough, y'all! I have a feeling that I am not alone in this. Lol

I have a 13 year old girl. Yes, I have "a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad" teenage girl. She is everything that I was as a child...times ten, and I am not exaggerating. I think I am getting punished for her uncle and her Daddy! The eye rolling and door slamming and back talking are pretty much an every day occurrence these days (and yes, sometimes it IS me). It drives me nuts! I mean, I was expecting the teenage years to be bad but man! lol

I love her to death, but she is drama personified. It doesn't take much to set her off and today was one of those days. She came home from school in a foul mood and immediately began taking it out on me. I saw a Sheila Walsh sermon a couple of months ago where she basically said that hurt people strike out at those closest to them because they can. They know we will love them no matter what. While I know that in my head, it doesn't make the hurts any easier or the slights go away. I struggle every day with trying to be a good example to her and giving grace, but it's not easy.

She knows exactly which buttons to push and boy howdy, does she! Most of the time these days, her dagger of choice is to threaten to move out and go live with her Dad. I never had that kind of option as a kid because my parents, God bless them, have been together forever! But, I guess for this generation, it is an occurrence more often than not. It is definitely heartbreaking to hear that your child would rather live with someone else than stay under your roof, but I also know that it is mostly the rebelliousness talking.  I've come close a couple of times to packing her bags for her, but I know deep down that is not in her best interest. 

Raising a teenager is tough. They are so beautiful, strong and independent and yet so naive, willful and disobedient at times. I love my girl with all my heart and even though days like today are rough, it's my job. I am her parent, her protector and her cheerleader. I will always support her no matter what. It may not always be what she would like, but I am always going to be her Mom. 

One day, I hope she will see how much I love her. One day, I hope that she can recognize that I have rules for a reason. One day, I hope that she will thank me for being her mom. Then maybe we will become friends. 

Until then...there is always wine!

Thanks for stopping by,

KT